Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Sweet talk

I have a beautiful friend, she has just been heart broken for the third time by the same person, she's a very sweet, simple yet complicated and when she gets excited she talks a lot. She's a very lively person so I get so upset when she just got dumped for the third time by the same person.

I never approved of her boyfriend, a very pious person but that goes only skin deep, I have warned her after her first dump, but due to sweet talk she's easily manipulated by those sugar coated words which causes her to immediately forgive and forget the wrongs her boyfriend did.

Due to her deep feelings I just kept silent and ignored her after she got dumped for the third time. Right until about a week after the dump, things start to mess up and the heat of it just spread to me. I ignored it of course as I had reminded her that once dump never return.

A close friend of mine, called me up and told me that she's in a mess after left by that so called pious guy. I was brutally mad but since we're far away, I can't do anything not even console her. She's like a little sister to me as with all and I simply just can't sit down silently while she's suffering.

She finally got the guts to send me a message, which I replied and told her to forget him and throw him away in to oblivion if possible. She's soft and delicate but her feelings and emotions makes her way over her logical decisions. I worry for her but all I can do is pray.

Sweet words can deceive and I've learned that lesson a long time ago.

I am not pious nor am I a good actor, but if I pray, its a prayer from deep in my heart.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Best I ever had

A favorite old song just came up in my player tracks when I am in flight back home. A song which sparks a lot of memories. Some of the best memories I ever had even though long gone but it just brings back those memories to life.
Used to sing this song a long time ago to someone who matters, will sing this song one day again, to those who matters now. As this song reminds me of a lot of mixed memories that I've had through-out my short but precious life. I'll cherish every single one of them, happy or sad, even as my mind gets forgetful as time passes-by.

Saturday, July 21, 2012


Finally, my short break alone ended, it was intended to be alone but I met up with various people who are also alone and out of the blue sparked out some conversations with them, even though we started as total strangers, I don't mind that deep conversation and sharing my experiences especially.

When I talk to someone I am comfortable with, my eye contact will be great and my expressions will come out as natural, no forced out expressions and tones which I normally convey during work. My mind is focused on such conversation when I am in my comfort zone.

However during work, my mind is focusing on a few things which makes the communication quite shaped up. Especially with the workload as well as the confusion created by chaotic people I get tense with my tone, and I don't like it as it stresses me to release it.

When I am away from work, I get so relaxed and occasionally laze out that I finally felt free and happy just for this short amount of time. I don't mind being alone as I gather myself together and focus on what's important in life. 

As I scanned through the greenery, I noticed this small bunch of flowers which colors I really liked, soft and pleasing to the eyes, these colors would really make a beautiful gift for a sweet lady. I stared at these pale indigo colors for quite some time and it relaxes me.

A quote from that beautiful stranger I met,

"Our life can be simple if we wanted it to be, it can be complicated if we wanted it to be, I'll just be as humble as I can be so that no matter what I lose or gain in this world won't make me regret decisions I made in life."

Being alone has its credits too and I earned mine in these few days of rest away from urbanization. I am back home and ready for work.
Figure 1: Velvet colors.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012


After such a long course away from work, I finally went back home and after office today, I'll be away for a few days on leave. Work has been challenging and since I just returned back from a company sponsored course I will have more responsibilities to hold.

I'm thinking what to do during my off day, I don't have a date and my friends are busy with their ongoing projects, while I have already completed mine last month, it will be sometime before I'll be handed another one. Looks like after all the busy-ness, I found my hands empty.

Maybe I should try fishing, that will really waste my time and should take the whole day off. I remember the times when I used to go fishing with my dad, it was a bitter experience when the hook got hooked on my hand which tore off bits of my skin and flesh. So, no.
Figure 1: Greens releases my stress.
I don't really hang out at the club these days as I am past my alcohol days which reminds me of a lot of bad experiences too. Another, no. I decide to go online and check out the cheapest two way air ticket tomorrow and just take the flight for the remainder of my off-day. 

My destination will be to the somewhere where it's greener. Away from the busy-ness of life and if possible less people. Sometimes its best to be alone and doing things my way until I'm ready.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Picking up the pieces

Life has a way to give us an awkward feeling when there's something close in life which used to be there all the time but one day, God just took the breathe away and life feels empty without. It is awkward for me, even though I am not too sad, but the feeling of being empty resides in me.

This feeling is hard to take away, imagine me, just got left by someone I had a relationship with for years but suddenly out of the blue knowing that she doesn't loves me anymore, that emptiness only last for so long as it hurts. 

But the feeling of someone who's been in your life since small, someone who has lifted you up as a baby, taught lessons with the cane, scolded you like it's raining hell and at least played even a small role in shaping you into an individual. That is me. I felt so empty.

Despite the busy-ness in life, I can't help but to write myself out to express this emptiness. I just had my leave and spent time with that person, even though its for short, but since I've had so many memories and paved it solidly with that person. 

Even when he's gone, I have no regrets not saying this and that, but I felt empty instead.

He taught me that in life, no matter what I have achieve, I must be proud of myself, no matter how small or insignificant it is. What I learned is that my pride precedes me, and I must learn to lower myself and be humble. Appreciate everything that I've worked hard for and strive to be the best in life.

Thank you Grandpa, for being in my life, I am sorry I couldn't see you for the last time as I am overseas for training. I missed you and I hope we meet again, life is short but if it is filled with the best, even though it's for a small amount of time, I won't regret breathing my last.
Figure 1: Last picture I took of my proud grandpa.