Sunday, December 30, 2012

The End of it All

Figure 1: White a symbol of peace and serenity.
At the end of the road, at the end of time, which is unknown to mortals but in life, there will always be the end of the road. And when it does, when the final breath of life leave your lips, all that is left is your memories  with others which will leave a pang of pain to love ones.

The end of it all is the moment where most people will never want to think about. They never want to think of the end, life will go on forever, that is what people want to believe. They never want to end something that is so beautiful and grand yet sometimes so dreadfully painful for those with terminal sickness.

When you're someone who is serving for others, sometimes others may never see, how you're serving, but for those who are precious to you, they know you're fighting for the people of the nation and it is an honor even though names are forgotten, the deeds aren't.

So my new year resolution is to,

"Start with the end in mind"

"Be a humble and honorable person"

"Think of others more and less of myself"

These three things I strive to conquer, I seek to take control of myself. Which is the hardest part for me to do in my life. 2013, if it is my last year, make it a memorable one for me, so that people will not remember me for who I am, but for what I have done for them.
Figure 2: A beautiful personal message.
"When someone you Love becomes a Memory, that Memory becomes a Treasure."

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Life's Journey 2012

Figure 1: A life long journey.

When the path ahead of you seems so blurry and unclear and times aren't so good, it is so easy to blame everything. When morale is so low, and the feeling is so uncomfortable it is easy to point fingers and start to blame people, situations, food and even worst, "God".

Life during this year, 2012 hasn't been so smooth for me, but I thank God that despite a lot of events, failure and disappointment, I recovered and bounced back despite the challenges that I faced. I wasn't feeling happy during that situation but I got through it.

There is also conflicts in my self, which always keeps telling me to deviate from what I hold most precious in myself. Despite all those hard decisions, I was so thankful that even though I walked away from the path of my beliefs, I quickly realized my folly and returned.

It is those values which makes me a stronger person, the values which have been implanted in me since I was small. There are things which we can do, and there are things which we can't and never must do. Be it a simple habitual thing or something which effects your integrity as a person.

I am so blessed to have realized and seen where life's journey has taken me. It is not easy to be the person I am now, and there is a lot more to learn through life. I am blessed that God is with me, and even when times are not stable, God is still walking beside me and carrying me.

Friday, December 21, 2012

What I've wanted

I was walking along the path of a park one day, and pondered to myself, is this the right path I am walking. I wasn't even sure about it. I was puzzled that along the way, I have experienced a lot of things which makes me a very unique person.

I am not even sure I wanted every part of that experience, especially those bitter sweet ones. There are times when I felt like breaking down and giving up. Still there's a part of my mechanism that just doesn't want to give up. It drives me on.

The path is long and winding, I can't even seem to see the end of the road. I am getting more weary and tired. Is this what, God has planned for me or am I just blindly walking through this road of life. Life is filled with so much surprises that I got tired of it.

There's even a time that I fallen so low and everything seems so dim. Out of stamina and power, there's a hand pulling me up from nowhere. There's a lot of shit to deal with along the way and it's every assholes role to make the world go around a slightly more painful experience. 

Life is filled of make yourself happy or basically lying to yourself to make yourself better. I took the medicine and it made life worse, people can talk and make up a lot of nice shit to make you feel better but in the end, it is up to "you" to rise up and bounce back from the fall.

Trust in the Lord always and He will direct thy paths. In the end, if you don't seem to understand what you want, God does, because He made us and if only we trust in Him, we'll get what we truly want..

Tuesday, December 18, 2012


It's been a tiring process, it has been a very long week without rest, I am counting the days till weekends. I have been so focused with work that I don't even have time to loaf around or even do things which I love.

The task of downloading all the information is very tiring, it was done in a very comfortable environment, but it seems to much and very challenging when all those terms are kept in acronyms.
Figure 1: Missing the clicks.
I just want to get a whole day off and take some photos. Missing the whole process of framing and capturing it. So before I take my rest, just a click will make my day.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Tired - Exausted

It has been a long two weeks and quite an adventure for me. Get to know a lot of people, brilliant and from different diverse backgrounds. Was able to blend in well, not so, but still able to go with the flow and sometimes fighting it.

Need to take a break from everything and calm my senses. Would want to lift up my camera and click, so I couldn't wait for weekend to come by. Workdays please be good to me. I really need rest as I am not a machine.

Sunday, December 9, 2012


Life has been so good to me, I went abroad, ultimately to only get rejected, I've wasted two weeks of my life waiting for that one in a million offer to work overseas. Still, is it really a waste of time or am I just exaggerating my own feelings. Life has been tremendously good to me and I felt to blessed.

I journeyed to be accepted in a company which pays high amount of money in a foreign land, I had been promised a place, where I resigned from my company in pursue of a new work environment and also to be able to achieve more. However, after waiting two weeks I was rejected and so I went back empty handed.

Figure 1: My work pass.
So, finally I was received in a company which promises me more than just my dedication but the whole of me, to be able to work in a company which ranked no.68 in the Fortune 500 is a dream come true. I am psyched to be able to contribute not only to the company but also to the country.

I am now at the capital city of my country, being trained and brainwashed to be a staff aligned with my company's agenda. I am willing and God willing I will be a newly transformed executive and will be a better behaved person reflecting my values which comes deep from my heart. 

For everything I want to thank God.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

A short one

Will be going to another country soon and won't be able to blog for the time being. I hope I will achieve my goals during this time abroad. However, I'll just do my best and let God do the rest. A lot of events came rushing in to me these days. It really rained on me.

I'll take it lightly, slowly and enjoy the experience this time.

Till then take care and be blessed..

Sunday, November 25, 2012


This weekend, I decide to go for a nature walk away from the busyness of life. It's been almost a week since I've stopped working and I felt strange when this certain responsibilities of my ex-comp seems to make me feel somewhat empty. December is coming soon so I need to prepare myself for the transition.
Figure 1: A small water flow.
I switched off my phone and bringing only essentials and a fully charged digital SLR along, I marched towards the rain forest. It's been so long since I've inhaled fresh air, the sound of insects, rustling of the leaves seems so different than what I normally hear day to day.

I hiked through the woods, it is damp and the air is humid, stretching my legs and sweating it out seems a luxury for my body. It has been ages since I have felt so physically challenged and I simply love the feeling of it. Warm sweat runs wets my whole body.
Figure 2: Moss covered rock stream.
Time seems to freeze itself in the forest, since I am alone, it seems as if the leaves of the trees has eyes, constantly looking at me. The air is so refreshing and I can't help but inhale and exhale it as if it has been my first time ever breathing. 

I have been so busy with work that I forgot everything about the beauty of mother nature surrounding me. Its a blessing from the heavens which money can never buy. I wish to escape from this world, I do, but life doesn't permits that and I won't give up till my last breath..

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Cold cold heart..

Speak as you might,
Those words may never seems right,
Thinking for the best,
Still haven't tried your hardest..

As you walk through this night,
Shining past me as if silent,
The wisp of pain is slight,
Showering me with fright..

Seeing through your heart,
Never knowing what is right,
Seems like you truly crave it,
The never ending winter blight..

A tear drops from the light,
Spills onto your cold heart,
Warm tear melts a part,
Slowly disappearing into the dark..

"The heart is hidden from most eyes, it can deceive without knowing yet also show the truest colors of life"

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Together ~ Forever

Recently I went back to my homeland, I discovered something so peculiar about two people who used to make fun of each other. One is a boy and one is a girl, the girl is a very active person and always give smiles to everyone around her, while this boy likes to play a fool and has a very funny personality.
Figure 1: Excited on the swing.
I really like to be around them, as I am not a really noisy or active person when it comes to socializing but I am improving. I am slowly opening up to people and as I get older, hanging out with people who makes me laugh and smile causes my face to have laugh lines.

The last time I met her and it was last year, we were karaoke-ing together, and suddenly after she sang a song, she cried out and was reluctant to tell why. Then I get to know that she was cheated by her now ex-boyfriend and it was tough for her to get over it. 
Figure 2: Caught in action.
Back to the peculiar behavior of these two people, I found that, about two months ago they are already hanging out and holding hands in secret. When I asked them if it is true or not? She shyly said yes. I am happy that the two of them get together despite always making fun of each other. Glad she met someone who can make her forget her past sadness.
Figure 3: Happy together.
Since they don't have pictures together I decide to give them a simple couple photo-shoot. I enjoyed doing it as they are good friends of mine, and it makes me happy to have them pose up together as a couple. I really do hope that they will in the future be a happily married couple.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012


That song Yesterday, struck a thought in my mind, it was only yesterday I stopped working and left a place with a job routine that was so familiar. It seems so easy and everything was smooth. However life makes a turn which leads me to a decision for a switch. Now, my cheese just moved, not so far away though.

A change in something which I have been doing for a long time feels like a huge wave, crashing away, seems to be messing up all those well structured buildings which I have built, washing away all those weak links of my design. The change however is not such a tsunami to wipe away everything.

What happen yesterday I will never forget, all those good, bitter, tasteless and sour memories will always stay in me. Whenever I look back and recall, I always smiled, especially reminiscing those hard times and facing those challenges which sometimes caused me to want to drop down and give up.

Its a lifetime lesson which gives me strength for today and wisdom for tomorrow. That is my "Yesterday".

Friday, November 16, 2012

Last Convocation

Figure 1: Chemical Engineer, Electronics Engineer and Teacher.
Last month I attended my junior friends convocation at my homeland's local university, due to a very busy schedule I wasn't able to write about it. It was a very memorable event for them as it is for me to capture their wonderful moments of graduating.

Finally after 3 to 4 years of struggling to complete courses in the university they are finally able to pass and graduate with degree scrolls in their hands. After surviving wave after wave of horrendous semesters, my little and "big" friends finally made it.

When people say, 3-4 years just for a piece of paper, think again, the experience of studying and struggling to pass papers to the fun experience of university life with friends from different background. I say, once you've been through university life, that is one of the best part in your life between high-school and working life. 
Figure 2: University Graduates.
That said, I am so happy to be with them despite missing a day of convocation due to work responsibilities which limits me to go earlier. Thank God that few days of October was great despite my work tensions, it was a very wonderful experience. 

It will maybe be the last convocation I will attend in this university, I was so glad.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Ticking Clock

Time passes by so fast, it seems as though what seems an eternity at first yet slips away at a mere blink of an eye. I felt like it was just yesterday, I went into the company and shake everyone's hand. (almost everyone I think). But now, just 2 days more I'll complete my resignation process.

Its time to move on they say, to greener pastures where the cows get better grass. I'm not relating myself to being a cow but through the hard work I have encountered which tested my every capabilities, I survived, sometimes barely, sometimes missing an speeding arrow just by an inch.

It is easy to get hurt, fall down and give up, but to gain the strength to stand up tall and rise up again needs powerful support from the higher powers. I have tried to rely on my own strength but keep failing terribly despite my confidence.

The clock is ticking, but I'll never know when my body clock will stop ticking. All I know is I have a purpose in life, and that is to serve and do my best in everything that needs to be done.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012


Today, back from my short vacation at homeland, with heavy steps I marched to the office once I reached home. With a letter in my hand, I walked with tough strides knowing that this decision is a very tough one but I had to get it done.

I met up with my superior explaining that I want to tender for resignation, with a sullen look in his face, he accepted my resignation without much question. I bet that in his heart he is quite sad, we've been through a lot as a team.

I have great experiences during my stay, however despite those good times, I have to move on in my life and career. 

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Catching the sunset

Figure 1: After sunset.
I was in a hurry to capture the sunset after handing in flyers for a church seminar. With me, I was accompanied by my little brother and two friends. As we set out the beach, I was optimistic as the sun was still high up the sky, however despite speeding past 100km/h the sun sets to my dismay.

It was almost dark and the sky is filled with dark clouds indicating that a storm will be coming soon, I set up my camera, not giving up as I have tried my best to reach just before the sunsets. It was windy and the dark waves are beating onto the rocks. Occasionally splashing on me.

With some filters and long exposure, I manage to get a least some of the light that is left of the sunset. I learned a lesson that day, that is, to be early and prepared in order to get the shot that I wanted. All in all, I would like to thank God for giving such a beautiful possibilities in life.
Figure 2: Sunlight fading.

Sunday, October 14, 2012


Trusting someone so much that, trusting their every word, only to wake up one day to find out that everything was a lie and that everything was just made up for that person's amusement. Everything that you have believe in through the years turns out to be a total lie.

Every tears, everything that happened to you and him was just made up and made to tear apart our relationship. Every words and promises that you've said were just something which you would make and break every other day.

Now everyone hates and dislikes you, no matter what you say or try to defend yourself, a lie is a lie. Like a little girl who shouted "wolf", no one would ever come to you again, and when the wolf come to get you, you will be alone, all by yourself.

You have made people so miserable, so sad, friends who tried their best to console and help you, you just push them away for your own lust. Well, this will be the last straw and there will never be another time. So, go away and be by yourself, I have always forgiven, but this time it's hard for me to forget.

I need to ask forgiveness for my kin for allowing him to the likes of you.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Time machine

It has been about 50 days since I finally have time to go online casually, I chose to write and reflect. Work has been haunting me and I felt that I need a change of environment. Life has indeed been good to me and blessings through countless ways has been granted to me. However, I found that work takes toll onto what I love to do the best, and this is what truly matters to me.

Life is cruel, especially to people who are truly kind-hearted and really trust a person truly, it is severely cruel especially when that person is too trusting that he/she has given away what is the most precious to a person who hasn't even committed to him/her. Almost to the brink of suicidal, I gave a helping hand and helped her up, letting her know that there's always a second chance in life.

Recently I have been taken to court, due to family reasons and it seems that there are land titles allocated to me which are disputed by other members of the family. This is where I suffer the most in the month of September. I have to take leave and attend the court hearing which took whole day, with legal proceedings and documents verification as well as signature.

Time is really important for me, to be able to reflect myself and to give myself to the service of others. I enjoy my work here but it is too time consuming and sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to do what I wanted to do. My friend recently offered me a job back at homeland, I am thinking hard, for the experience at my current workplace is good, but I rarely have time even for myself.

I finally take leave back home and went jungle tracking with my little brother, we're 10 years difference of age and have different characteristics. As we walked, we talked a lot on how things have changed. For better or worse, we've defeated it, well for him, I'm going to support him to be a future doctor. 
Figure 1: Me and my little brother.
The going will be tough but for my family, I'll always be there for them. 

Peace be with you and God bless.

Monday, August 13, 2012


Tired after almost two weeks away from home, tired of that little storm in life, need some break away from all these spite and responsibility. So after cleaning up and dusting away stuff in my room, wash up all my laundry and my worn out Nike Air Max 1s which is basically what I used throughout a month besides my Red Wings, I set up a hammock and rest away all my worries away.
Figure 1: Nike Air Max 1s.
After not having enough sleep and over-working, I really need a break away from everything and just relax at home and have some good food. We have to be fully rested and prepared to fight another battle. We'll have a better chance of winning by doing something simple as that.

Untold Journey

Excerpts of a missing sister

Her mobile was unreachable and I was super worried and took a short break to find her missing from her university and her car parked away with the battery unattached. I wasn't paranoid but at least I check up with her on immigration only to find her half-way around the world.

Such an exciting journey during the two weeks of her semester break, I was able to trace her till Bangkok, Thailand only to miss her by a few hours. She's already on her way to London and I decide to head back as I don't have extra time and I have to be in a meeting at Kuala Lumpur the following day.

From London, she boarded transited to Bahamas and finally to the Cayman Islands in which she's to meet a friend from New York, whom she only met online. She's all grown up I know but to be suddenly missing from her university campus is quite worrisome in this troubled world. 

Especially, when I'm supposed to be one who's keeping the siblings together despite being far-away apart from each other.

She returned unscathed and safe but she still owe me an explanation as well as the unclear events which happens during the whole "missing" half-way around the world journey. It is due to the trouble-some nature of my overprotective parents which results in this untold journey.

Glad she returns home safe and with a unique experience.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Sweet talk

I have a beautiful friend, she has just been heart broken for the third time by the same person, she's a very sweet, simple yet complicated and when she gets excited she talks a lot. She's a very lively person so I get so upset when she just got dumped for the third time by the same person.

I never approved of her boyfriend, a very pious person but that goes only skin deep, I have warned her after her first dump, but due to sweet talk she's easily manipulated by those sugar coated words which causes her to immediately forgive and forget the wrongs her boyfriend did.

Due to her deep feelings I just kept silent and ignored her after she got dumped for the third time. Right until about a week after the dump, things start to mess up and the heat of it just spread to me. I ignored it of course as I had reminded her that once dump never return.

A close friend of mine, called me up and told me that she's in a mess after left by that so called pious guy. I was brutally mad but since we're far away, I can't do anything not even console her. She's like a little sister to me as with all and I simply just can't sit down silently while she's suffering.

She finally got the guts to send me a message, which I replied and told her to forget him and throw him away in to oblivion if possible. She's soft and delicate but her feelings and emotions makes her way over her logical decisions. I worry for her but all I can do is pray.

Sweet words can deceive and I've learned that lesson a long time ago.

I am not pious nor am I a good actor, but if I pray, its a prayer from deep in my heart.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Best I ever had

A favorite old song just came up in my player tracks when I am in flight back home. A song which sparks a lot of memories. Some of the best memories I ever had even though long gone but it just brings back those memories to life.
Used to sing this song a long time ago to someone who matters, will sing this song one day again, to those who matters now. As this song reminds me of a lot of mixed memories that I've had through-out my short but precious life. I'll cherish every single one of them, happy or sad, even as my mind gets forgetful as time passes-by.

Saturday, July 21, 2012


Finally, my short break alone ended, it was intended to be alone but I met up with various people who are also alone and out of the blue sparked out some conversations with them, even though we started as total strangers, I don't mind that deep conversation and sharing my experiences especially.

When I talk to someone I am comfortable with, my eye contact will be great and my expressions will come out as natural, no forced out expressions and tones which I normally convey during work. My mind is focused on such conversation when I am in my comfort zone.

However during work, my mind is focusing on a few things which makes the communication quite shaped up. Especially with the workload as well as the confusion created by chaotic people I get tense with my tone, and I don't like it as it stresses me to release it.

When I am away from work, I get so relaxed and occasionally laze out that I finally felt free and happy just for this short amount of time. I don't mind being alone as I gather myself together and focus on what's important in life. 

As I scanned through the greenery, I noticed this small bunch of flowers which colors I really liked, soft and pleasing to the eyes, these colors would really make a beautiful gift for a sweet lady. I stared at these pale indigo colors for quite some time and it relaxes me.

A quote from that beautiful stranger I met,

"Our life can be simple if we wanted it to be, it can be complicated if we wanted it to be, I'll just be as humble as I can be so that no matter what I lose or gain in this world won't make me regret decisions I made in life."

Being alone has its credits too and I earned mine in these few days of rest away from urbanization. I am back home and ready for work.
Figure 1: Velvet colors.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012


After such a long course away from work, I finally went back home and after office today, I'll be away for a few days on leave. Work has been challenging and since I just returned back from a company sponsored course I will have more responsibilities to hold.

I'm thinking what to do during my off day, I don't have a date and my friends are busy with their ongoing projects, while I have already completed mine last month, it will be sometime before I'll be handed another one. Looks like after all the busy-ness, I found my hands empty.

Maybe I should try fishing, that will really waste my time and should take the whole day off. I remember the times when I used to go fishing with my dad, it was a bitter experience when the hook got hooked on my hand which tore off bits of my skin and flesh. So, no.
Figure 1: Greens releases my stress.
I don't really hang out at the club these days as I am past my alcohol days which reminds me of a lot of bad experiences too. Another, no. I decide to go online and check out the cheapest two way air ticket tomorrow and just take the flight for the remainder of my off-day. 

My destination will be to the somewhere where it's greener. Away from the busy-ness of life and if possible less people. Sometimes its best to be alone and doing things my way until I'm ready.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Picking up the pieces

Life has a way to give us an awkward feeling when there's something close in life which used to be there all the time but one day, God just took the breathe away and life feels empty without. It is awkward for me, even though I am not too sad, but the feeling of being empty resides in me.

This feeling is hard to take away, imagine me, just got left by someone I had a relationship with for years but suddenly out of the blue knowing that she doesn't loves me anymore, that emptiness only last for so long as it hurts. 

But the feeling of someone who's been in your life since small, someone who has lifted you up as a baby, taught lessons with the cane, scolded you like it's raining hell and at least played even a small role in shaping you into an individual. That is me. I felt so empty.

Despite the busy-ness in life, I can't help but to write myself out to express this emptiness. I just had my leave and spent time with that person, even though its for short, but since I've had so many memories and paved it solidly with that person. 

Even when he's gone, I have no regrets not saying this and that, but I felt empty instead.

He taught me that in life, no matter what I have achieve, I must be proud of myself, no matter how small or insignificant it is. What I learned is that my pride precedes me, and I must learn to lower myself and be humble. Appreciate everything that I've worked hard for and strive to be the best in life.

Thank you Grandpa, for being in my life, I am sorry I couldn't see you for the last time as I am overseas for training. I missed you and I hope we meet again, life is short but if it is filled with the best, even though it's for a small amount of time, I won't regret breathing my last.
Figure 1: Last picture I took of my proud grandpa.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Pimped up 80s..

After a long time not blogging about my soles collectibles, there's a design which caught my eyes. In blue and in a shoe design which I have been a classic and a favorite comfortable design the Superstar 80s. This is my all year round favorite Adidas classic model.

Adidas Originals by Originals by Kazuki Kuraishi x KZK Clot Superstar 80s

Figure 1: An Originals by Originals in blue.
The picture above in figure 1 is a picture courtesy by CROSSOVER, one of my favorite stores to go when I am around the area. This pair of Superstar 80s is has blue mesh body and the contrasty shoe laces that go with it. I have yet to check it out and feel it in my hands till then CROSSOVER.

I am particular with releases made by Adidas Originals with the designer Kazuki Kuraishi. Kazuki is a Japanese fashion designer who sees through street wear as something special and infuses these old Adidas Classics with premium materials and creativity.

A few soles has entered my collectibles but I have not the time to review and produce pictures of it. Hopefully soon if time and schedule permits. 

Wednesday, June 27, 2012


Yesterday after work, my friend bugged me into the idea of him interested to get a digital single lens reflex (DSLR) camera. I was happy to talk with him about it since I am in love with photography not so much with the technology involved with photography. So, I asked him what's lacking with your point and shoot?

That question basically check-mated him as if he was playing chess with me. It took him like minutes of shutdown before he gave me a long and non-consistent list of answers. I don't need him to convince me, but rather I doubt if he was really into photography or only just poisoned by the trend of having a DSLR.

Still I accompanied him to town just to check out some of the latest DSLRs available. Well, he was very knowledgeable regarding each of the camera's specifications as well as image quality aka noise. Still, I am not sure what is really in DSLRs that made him go for it besides technical sides.

For me, I love photography but it didn't click when I was holding a point and shoot, I don't like looking at screen and framing at once to capture a moment. For me live-view is useful only if I shoot video which I really don't enjoy or taking shots using a tripod and perspective from the ground.

Still, I prefer the viewfinder. I prefer to get down on the ground myself just to get that shot instead of looking into the live-view screen. When I frame the picture through the viewfinder, it feels like I get what I wanted just like what I imagined it to be. That is why viewfinder size, clarity and brightness in a camera is important for me. 

Next would be the controls, to get the correct exposure as well as let in the amount of light I want in to the camera sensor, I must be able to control, the camera's shutter speed, the film speed and also the opening of the lens. So, a DSLR camera of my preference should have two control dials.

Ergonomics is truly important for me, so the grip should be comfortable to hold, not too small, not too thick but it should allow a firm grip. Buttons placement not too much and arranged in a proper way for easy reach. Shouldn't be too small either.

For those who hate the bulk of a DSLR shouldn't even think of buying one, as DSLRs are bulky and quite heavy once lenses are mounted. So, just walk-away and pick one of those smaller mirrorless cameras which can also provide excellent image quality.

A big plus for shooting using a DSLR are interchangeable lenses, but pick only lenses which you will definitely use most of the time. Lenses aren't cheap especially if you are using more than one camera system. I am using two currently and I really-really need to have 100 reasons before buying another lens.

So, there are a lot of consideration to take in a DSLR, as it is considered as an expensive investment especially if you aren't making money out of it. As a enthusiast photographer as I am, I'll just worry less about getting the latest tech-savvy camera out there, but pick one, with the best value for money and go all out on it.

Monday, June 25, 2012

So Far Away..

No matter how warm I felt, no matter how comfortable I am in my comfort zone, I always step out and prefer to face it out alone. I explore life being away and far away from the people I love, I loved so much but I miss so little, that is how cold and hard I am.

I always calculate my risks and take it without notice, I rejected offers just to be close, as a master student, as a college lecturer, just to be so far away. To a place requiring immigrant passport just to work and live, but hey, so far away isn't so bad.

I am me, you are you, thank you for missing me so bad, but these are my dreams till I finally make my call and decide to settle down which is still far away into the future. If you are truly the one for me, wait, be patient and I'll give bring your wedding ring.

Preparing myself to be a better person is not a simple task, it is a goal which I take seriously, just for you to be proud of me, so while I am far away, I hope you do try your best too. Not for me but for your future and if you finally decide on me, its for us.

So while I am so far away from you, I'll pray for you and me.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Pieces of the Past

I used to receive several love letters when I was in high school, it was usually passed on by some of my closer girlfriends, some of the letters were crummy, some mushy and others just yucky. I never bothered to give a reply and when pushed by my friends, I say prefer to meet up, but none dared showed up.

During Valentine's day there's always that anonymous chocolates which keeps reaching my table. Which I was glad to share it with my best boyfriends, they were quite envious not to receive any but my sharing made them forget all about it. We used to punch each other up and being envious is something small.

My first love is a very pretty girl which I saw in her an integrity and strength of a prefect, well, through my immature and inexperienced googles, I approached her and proposed to be closer, and without hesitation she accepted. As school ends and we part ways to study, I gave my everything but it never lasted.

I had my googles thrown and my eyes laser repaired at iklasik.  I truly saw after that, looks like my googles were truly defective. I never trusted any girls closer and always kept a safe distance.

Just some pieces that made me remember what made me the person I am now, guess that holding on to my principles is far more important than to just blindly trust feelings. I am that kind of person, not changing, not wavering until the other party surrenders and put up the white flag.

Friday, June 22, 2012

More than I can be

The weather has been harsh these few weeks at work, hot, stormy and suddenly cold then hot again. Things has been quite peaceful at work after a successful project so I am just in charge in ensuring the operation is going on smoothly.

During the period of the project which I am really stressed out, there are times which I felt that the problems are so endless that there's no where of fixing it or even around it. It feels like a huge mountain toppled up on me and the weight of it is just immense.

I persevere and pushed on even when it is all dark in there and hope seems so dim. There's just no sign of ever finishing up successfully. The burden is too hard and complicated. So I prioritized and organized myself, slowly. Rise up and pick up those little pieces to patch it one by one.

Even without anything to boost my confidence, I just pushed on and have faith. This kind of faith gave me the strength to do things which I never believe I could ever achieve. In the end, with God's assistance, all is well and I worried and got stressed for nothing.

Praise my living God.
Figure 1: Ray of hope.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Wedding Day

During my last break for Harvest Festival, I did manage to attend a wedding, I barely did as I have my hands full with other activities. It was my cousin's wedding and as I am around this is an opportunity to see her on her grand day.

The wedding is held at a church located in Ranau, a town which is located really close to Mount Kinabalu and as I said, I barely manage to get there in time for the church reception. Thank God, I managed after a steep mountain climb using my trusty 4x4.
Figure 1: Her beautiful wedding dress.
The weather is so-so, with mists here and there, but the event speaks warmth and unity. As I walked into the church, the aura is serene and very pious with church tradition. I quickly grabbed my Canon and went up front to capture that moment, special moment.
Figure 2: Happy smile.
My cousin is the highlight of the day, with her beautiful wedding dress, she smiled through out the church session as the Father, blessed the newly wedded couple. That is the most beautiful I saw her, especially when she smiled, as I remembered only seeing her like about 10 years ago.
Figure 3: The love of her life.
I was so blessed to see her husband and her unite even after such a long time not seeing each other, the smile she gave me was a blessing. She's two years younger than me, and she asked me when's my turn. I responded, maybe a few more years, as I am still not ready and just started a serious relation ship.

Oh God.. Slow me.. Will that time ever comes..

Saturday, June 9, 2012

What I've doing so far..

Figure 1: Green and peaceful.
Missed blogging so much, feels reconnected to the blogging world once I reached my workplace. Going back to my roots, my homeland, I felt so warm and happy there. I used every possible time and capture every moment possible while I was back.

I met all my friends, university and mutual friends alike. I missed thier jokes, smiles and especially their company. Went as many places as I can during the long duration of time which I considered very short. I can't express my happiness when family and friends are around me.
Figure 2: My favorite Unduk Ngadau contestant.
The hole in my heart is filled when I confessed my true feelings to her, and she accepted, even though the distance apart, she seems to always have me in mind. I was always doubting and my heart is never calm when I was miles apart. Still she never faltered, so shame on me.

Figure 3: Unduk Ngadau contestants.
My homeland is filled with colors and tons of culture, as part of the land, I attended in a festival which was greatly revered by my people. This festival is known as the Harvest Festival or Kaamatan. I am so glad to be able to capture the moment of tradition. There's the singing competition which is known as the "Sugandoi" and the beauty queen competition or known as the "Unduk Ngadau".

Despite it all, the food was too great and too much that I can't stop eating. Unfortunately I gained weight and now that I'm back to work, people are a bit shock to see me slightly plumper. Bad for my image. A lot more to share but till then. I'll keep on writing...

Thursday, May 10, 2012

It's late..

Figure 1: It's too late.
If there is something that we truly want to do, do not wait for the opportunity and chance to do it will be gone. Nothing is certain about the future, something that we think will be there when we need it may be gone the second we seek for it. 

Time doesn't care about your actions it just passes and the actions of others can never be predicted. If there is anything to be assured of, act now, realize that tomorrow will never be the same as it used to be everyday before.

When it's already too late, regrets and sadness will consume you. Able to handle it or not depends on your willpower. I've regretted my decision before, so now, this time, I'll never let go, if I do, I know I'll regret it for life.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Black Monday

Lot's of problems, feeling so tired, weary, felt like every muscle in my body just mushed up and my bones broken all over. As soon as I reach office, problems came non-stop. From site to site, it seems like the problems keep heaping up on me.

Pressured up as if I am a piece of chicken in a pressure cooker, I felt like bursting out. Still, thank God my thoughts are still sane and I sat down gasping, held up my breath for a while and prioritize. Even the most tedious work can be arranged and worked out perfectly.

So at the end of the day, which I am gladly it ended with lots of problems solved. Black Monday ended, with just only a few minor problems which can be rectified by my other colleagues. Too tired to do anything, I rushed home and showered myself to bed. Zzz..

Friday, May 4, 2012

Locked out

It was late, been busy with the the project's commissioning and ensuring that everything in the process goes according to plan or at least as close to it. No time to catch lunch these few days and luckily due to the painful experience from gastric I stocked some whole wheat biscuits in the office.
Figure 1: Tool in my pocket.
I was so busy that I even forget to have fun these few days and worse of all, one night, I forgot my house keys. That was when I begin to fret over myself and before deciding to break my door, I calmed myself down and think. As I was moving about, I realized the clinking sound in my pockets.

I pulled the metal thingy out of my pocket and discovered it is a handy tool. I am not so experienced at lock-picking but I've done a few locks when I was still schooling. Ah, at least this is worth a try rather than breaking my door and replacing it with a new door lock and knob.

So I attempted this feat, with a small torch from my hand-phone and this tool actually have an LED light too. It took me like two hours to actually undo the latch of the door and finally it opened. I was sweating back then, a little bit frustrated and very tired. I fixed up what I opened, showered and went immediately to sleep.

That's what I get for being so pre-occupied and busy with what so ever that fun and menial things doesn't matter anymore. I'm going out to get some fresh air. Can't wait for end of this month, I'll be back to homeland once my project is done. Hurrah!!!

Sunday, April 29, 2012

End of the Apri

April have been very good and a little bit naughty to me. I caught numerous viruses and suffered symptoms which even confuses doctors. I am so glad to be able to make it safe and sound. April taught me to be more cautious and think further before proceeding to any sort of engagement.

April gave me hope when I was alone and without anyone else, it gave me the passageway to return to my own roots and seek their support. I am not alone anymore in those big decisions which messed up my mind for a bit. This month has been so good to me.

I am so blessed on this month of April, the beauty of nature and to strive for its preservation has become a part of me. At least it adds one more person to the equation to the protection of mother nature. Life is indeed precious and we can't close our eyes when it is in danger.

A simple quote from one of the greatest people on earth,

"Nothing in this world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."

                                                                               -Martin Luther King, Jr-

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Forgive & forgetfulness

I've recently been approach by a fellow colleague who has been ignoring every initiative and attention I've given to provide the right hints to the successful completion of his project. Due to his late submission for his part of the project, other team members who have already completed their share are also affected.

This leads to a week-long late project submission to an important client which resulted in a very bad impression to my team and me as the project head. I am not angry nor disappointed due to this but my other team-members are enraged. As my personality goes, I'll just keep silent and see how it goes.

Today, the project is already finalized and due to better solutions our team has provided, we headed out to the township to celebrate. Since I don't drink, I've had a great dinner and even got forced into singing. The fellow ignorant colleague was also tagging along.

It seems that he wasn't aware that people around him were heated up but because of the project success things cool down. I though he forgot totally about it until I think he drank a little bit too much and suddenly went up to the stage to grab the microphone, sang a sad song and begged for forgiveness.

Well, that's quite a show, I am astounded as well but still can't say anything much. I'm a forgiving person and I will feel bad if I'm not forgiven. In my heart, even as he ignored me through-out the course of the project due to being more experienced and a fraction older, I forgive him.

Even so, despite my forgetfulness, I can't seem to forget what he did even after I've forgiven him. I guess it's just me. Despite how much it irritates, offend or hurt you forgiveness is a must. It must be quick and immediate as one will never know when one leaves this living world.
Figure 1: Courtesy of Google.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012


Time never waits for me or anyone, it passes so fast that, people age without realizing it, moments which seems to last fade away without enough appreciation and in a blink of an eye things changes. Time is uncontrollable despite how people strive to race it to the finish line, time will always be ahead of you.

I've been so busy planning for my project schedules that time doesn't allow me to enjoy my life the way I used to want it to be. I dislike it but these are the consequences of life, where there are times when I have to give what I have to give and take what I can take.

Despite time being so horridly cruel to me, my project schedule is on time and there are a few more matters to be settled regarding a few flaws here and there. I am lucky to be working in a group and there are matters also assigned to my other colleagues.

If you haven't done something which you wish to do during this certain time-frame, I suggest that you do it despite any limitation, may it be monetary, right time, or right location, I believe that at a certain compromise, just do it regardless as the chance may not come again.

Some people say, time does cruel things to people, effecting their emotions and beauty in such a way, but is it really time's fault? That is the question to be answered. So, if any golden opportunities arises, be sure to grab it, even if not perfectly but at least never regretting not doing anything at all.

The sands of time is flowing in the time-glass this very moment.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Going green

I've posted one picture of these shoes in my previous post but the picture wasn't so good as it was taken by my mobile. So here are better pictures of the Nike SB Dunk High Premium. It was a 2008 release but I was lucky enough to still be able to get it online. 

I chose these pair of soles as my first pair of Nike SB Dunk due to it's unique green colorway matched up with crocodile texture. There's a big contrast between red and green, so the royal red swoosh, laces, soles and in-sole really caught my eyes.

The material type used on these shoes are suede leather mixed with patented croco style leather. The inside of the shoes is made of comfortable smooth padded polyester. Its soles is made of red colored grip rubber soles.
Figure 1: B&W version.
Figure 2: Stony Green.
Figure 3: Mossy Green.

Figure 4: Green Highlight.
Figure 5: Royal Red & Green Texture.

 The photos I've taken are in  random places, some of the places are not so clean with green mosses. Will be going to a few places the end of next month in search of more collectibles. Hopefully there will be something which will complement my collectibles. 

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Mother Earth

Mother Earth, thank you for giving me a place to live in this earth of Yours. Thank you for the fresh air which You have provided from your peaceful and loving nature. Thank you for the fresh water which you have brought out through water springs and rivers. Thank you for the atmosphere in which to protect us from the harsh sun.
Figure 1: Nature.
The beautiful sunrise at dawn, birds early in the morning seeking refuge in Your alms and without having anything, You took care of them and without me realizing, You took care of me. The rain when it gets scorching hot, I keep complaining when it rains, and again failed to see the bigger picture of Your plans.

Mother Nature, thank You for providing mankind the power to gather necessities to live in your beautiful Earth. Please forgive us for getting greedy and taking more than required. Forgive us for not taking care of the environment due to our selfishness. Forgive us for only thinking of ourselves.

Dear Creator, thank You for creating us according to Your image. Thank You for giving us wisdom and authority above all the creatures of Earth. Thank you for Your continuous care and blessing to us. Forgive us when we misuse our wisdom and try to change the Earth not according to Your will.

Forgive us for wanting more and never satisfied rather than appreciate what we have. Forgive us for all the wrong things which are happening in this world due to sin. Your anger is seen in earthquakes and disasters which occurs often lately. Your words of judgement are in the thunders.

Mother Earth, 
I have a lot to thank You. I wish my mind is born to praise You. My mind constantly revolves on small matters around me that I failed to see the bigger picture which You are showing to me everyday.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Down with flu

Days has been a change of weather from hot sunny days to sudden torrential rain. This resulted in sudden hot temperature to cold vice versa. This type of weather isn't kind to me as I am fragile to sudden temperature changes.

The effects are immediate and without mercy. I just recently got well from a sudden fury of hiccups to get my nose tricking with water like a leaked tap. My nose is now running, such an annoying symptom to highlight the ever changing weather.

Besides the constant trickling, I sneezed countless times and this makes others around me uncomfortable. My mind also seems very fuzzy during work. Sometimes I just felt so fuzzy that I blanked out while talking to my colleague. 

This month hasn't been treating me well either, it has challenged my patience and giving me a fix. I can't complain though as flu has been a part of me since I'm small. I still remember sneezing a nose full of mucus onto a girl's pinafore and she hated me for life during primary.

When I have flu, my eyes turn red, my nose gets so itchy, people even start to pity me as if I have fallen into a deep calamity and cried my eyes to death. Living patiently with this sensitive weather change symptom is accepting myself the way I am physically. 

Still, I am so sorry to be such a burden when I am down with flu.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Worthless words

Words can be expressed in a lot of ways, it can be either spoken or written by hand. Words are meant to be passed on to someone or a group of people who can benefit and understand from them. Words can be meaningful, hurtful, and at the same time beautiful. Words often contains information and knowledge but it depends solely on the listener or reader to decipher it carefully.

I love reading and listening to words which can give me different type of feelings regarding a certain situation which I couldn't experience myself. It makes me able to feel at-least something different than I normally feel. There are beautiful words which are spoken out randomly while I was out, and I seem to feel that certain moment even though it is a bit awkward.

Still I trust words from a lot of people who doesn't seem to mean them and to me, those words are very painful and it hurts my heart. Words which are meant to last and when time passes don't are often spoken when the moment seems to be at its peak of happiness. During these situations I always agree, but most of the time I will be disappointed as I will be the only one still holding those words.

When meaningful words arise, when it doesn't seem to mean much anymore, I've learned to ignore them and those painful effects of worthless words I just throw them away. Worthless words are like well-scribbled paper just fit to be thrown in the trash can. Those experiences made me stronger and no longer vain to feelings. 

Colder, stronger and more immune to words. I lost respect those who said words while holding on to it rather than just letting those words out like a wind and turncoat on the next move. Holding to your words can be painful depending on your situation. To hold on to words which comes out of your lips is something noble these days.

What are words when there's just spoken out without holding on to it? Worthless words...

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Moment of hiccups

Yesterday, I've took my first sick leave since I started working for the company. It is not due to me being so sick that I can't even come over for work but it is because I've got an unstoppable hiccup all of a sudden. I'm also not sure where did I manage to get this kind of silly phenomena to myself.

It all started that evening after gym, I went over to a Tom Yam restaurant for something nice warm and spicy for dinner. I had that really spiced up tom yam and ate it with rice. I didn't feel anything awkward until I started to hiccup on the way back home. I breathe in and try to stay my breathe for as long as I can to rid of it.

To my dismay, it didn't stop and I kept hiccuping until I reach home. I even tried to swallow up air, drink lots of water but to no avail. Those hiccups just kept coming and I can't find a way to stop myself from hiccuping. I was so frustrated and a bit mad-driven by hiccups.

The hiccup didn't stop even when I wanted to go to bed. I went to sleep hiccuping and the next day, woke up hiccuping. I was so angry that I gurgled two 1 liter bottles of water but that didn't resulted well. As a consequence I was so full that every-time I hiccuped water+stomach acid flooded my mouth. I am so disgusting and disgusted.

I went to work hiccuping, attended the morning meeting hiccuping and people around me just felt uncomfortable just hearing me wheeze and shake due to the hiccup. I just can't stand it and rush as fast as I can  to hide in my office. Still colleagues and more people came to see me, hiccuping myself away for answers and signatures.

My diaphragm muscle started to hurt so badly that the next day I took my sick leave and went to the doctor.

Doctor: Hello, what's wrong with you today?
Me      : Doctor, I can't stop hiccuping and my tummy hurts.
Doctor: Hiccuping is due to the nerve endings of your diaphragm sending signals to your diaphragm... bla bla bla. Just take a deep breathe or swallow.
Me      : I did that already Doctor but it didn't work.
Doctor : I'll just give you this medicine.. for your gastric.. bla bla bla..
Me      : *So you don't know how to fix it.* Zzz..  <-- in my mind.

I got my sick leave from the doctor so I can get some rest and away from the office from curious people eyeing me, just in case I have some chronic virus which can infect them. Some even gave me silly advice that I've gotta go to some hardcore specialist at Australia just to be sure. Damn!!!

So today, I fasted and didn't eat any heavy food but substituted to fruits and water only. I felt better, the hiccups come and go, eventually goes away. It's all about my diet I realized, no one knows me better than me, I shouldn't have ate such spicy yet delicious tom yam serving with an empty stomach.

That is seriously my bad. Suffered too much from hiccuping the last 3 days of my life.

*I wrote doctor in red because I felt like smacking him.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Work work work

Will be working like a horse this whole week to catch up with all those incoming projects. 

Responding all those mails need to be replied. 

Reading up the whole report for the last few days of absence, seems like there is a lot of issues still need to be resolved. 

Authorities coming up for an audit tomorrow on critical equipment.

There's more maintenance for the auxiliary support equipment needed to be done before commissioning of the newly serviced boiler.

Hoping to fully service and supply the energy needs of the surrounding area without any breakdown and hassle.

Research and development proposal yet to be completed.

With so much load coming in, and little drive inside of me, will I be able to handle it? Without further ado, I should work it out as efficiently dividing the resources that I have and do my best.