Saturday, March 31, 2012

Sweet end

End of March came so fast, so since it was too fast, had some quite bitter experiences and also unable to savor much time for myself. Without further ado, I decide to end it with a sweet slice of cheese cake for all those tough times I've been through.
Figure 1: Mi cheese cake.
Dear April, I don't know what challenges to expect nor do I expect you to be easy on me. I don't like to assume and think about things that can happen in the future, I can only plan and hope that in any situation I can make it in one piece.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Fun (Used to be)

Just back from the capital city of my country, meet up with a lot of my friends, had some fun which deprives me of some rest but resists those which used to be fun back then but not anymore. 

I just love hanging out enjoying this huge city's night life but as I further on in life, those fun of going to Zouk and drinking till the night gets insane doesn't seem a viable way to have fun for me anymore.

It is not that I don't appreciate you as my beautiful lawyer childhood friend, having a lot of contacts to introduce to me seems enticing and obviously fun sociably. However, I have to get back early as I have to catch my flight the next day. 

"Arigato Gozaimas" for the treat though, I simply need time to rest after going for an errand for my company. "Gommennasai" for disappointing you and leaving early.

So, as I check out early this morning, I'm glad that you've had fun though I know you won't be sending me to the airport. We'll surely still keep in contact and I'll text you once I've crossed that South China Sea. 

Despite my tight schedule, I still managed to get a nice "pricey" gift for my precious sister. This alone makes me happy despite what's fun doesn't seem so fun anymore.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Rain over me

Looks like the last week of this month will be a gloomy week for me, it has been raining for these few days already. On the first day of the week I got soaked wet on my way to work. I shivered a lot once I entered the office. Luckily I keep extra clothing and a glass of hot chocolate helped eased my cold body.

The next day, it rained heavily for the whole day. When I reached home, I wanted to bathe early so that I won't catch cold but then the heater broke. Without thinking, I just showered and due to the extra cold water, I shivered and caught cold. This time though its my fault, I should'ave heated up water using the kettle.

Today, I woke up late due to the cool and drowning sound of the rain. The sudden change of my surroundings made me into a hell of a lazy person. I even shut off my phone alarm only to be awaken by a second one which I put further from the bed. Due to this I managed to show up at work barely on time.

I can't blame it on the rain or weather, it's just me being lazy and super unproductive. I felt that I am giving myself an excuse to be lazy in my mind due to this sudden drop of ambient temperature. I even took short naps in the office which I manage to cover up using my super fast power up when someone comes by.

This is my ideal almost perfect weather to just snuggle and cocoon myself for a day of hibernation.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Nature of beauty

Figure 1: Greenery.
Beauty is a unique quality which brings pleasure to the senses. This is a dictionary definition of beauty, for me, beauty is a deep quality which brings out the best from an event, a scenery and even people. This deep quality is skin deep and certainly can be achieved with a great deal of appreciation.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"

Without real experience or know how regarding the subject, it is hard for me to refer it as a beauty or beautiful. However with deep knowledge as well as experience, be it hardship or filled with joy, that unique quality brings me to realize the beauty in the subject matter.

"Beauty is not about having a pretty face, it is about having a pretty mind, pretty heart and pretty soul"

These modern days, beauty is all about having smoothness in life, be it smooth silky skin, shiny smooth paint,  be it artificial or original, beauty is regarded as only the outer layer of the subject. Less is regarded to those deep inside values or qualities in the subject's life, depiction and creation.

It is said that, "a beautiful smile hides the most hideous scars."

Superficial beauty is wonderful if it makes the front cover of a magazine, however one without that certain deep emotional quality will just stay that way without the readers even regarding it more than just a beautiful magazine cover. Understanding what's deep inside can reveal the true colors of beauty.

Be it sorrow, sadness, gloominess, loneliness, happiness, gladness and millions more expressions of emotions can make beauty in a certain event or a certain person can make that huge impact on life. Life is more than just outer beauty and more towards the whole.

Modern definition of beauty is regarded as a number one liar of a perfect world blinding mankind. I'm sorry if my definition of beauty is so mixed up, but due to my limited life experience, I found that, "there is more to beauty than what pleases the eyes".

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Random people

I was out early this morning looking for something nice to eat. So I went to a small stall sat down, ordered a plate of fried rice "Chinese cooking style" and a glass of hot chocolate. I shared my table with an man nearing his 40s. That particularly ordinary man was looking very confused at his hand phone.

My order reach me and I turn my gaze from that ordinary man to my food. Looking at the steam and nice smell from the Hokkien fried rice, I slowly ate it with slight glee. As I chewed my food and swallowed, I reach out to grab my drink, I saw the man was still confused and persistent in pressing his hand phone buttons repeatedly.

I ate half of my plate and felt a bit uncomfortable, then I asked him, "I'm sorry for asking, but what's the problem?" 

The man turned his confused face to me and answered, "I can't seem to read my messages on my hand phone".

"Let me take a look", he gave me the hand phone and I tinkered with it for a while. It is an old Nokia handphone, if I'm not mistaken a model N70, one with the sluggish Symbian. It seems that his phone memory got full and he can't send or receive any messages. I just switched his messaging mode to memory card and it is sorted out.

The man was so happy he said, "Praise God". I was taken back a bit when he said that quite loud and clear, but I managed to smile and was so glad that by a simple deed, God's name is praised. 

I am so randomly blessed.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Crouching Tiger..

Returned late from work, got nagged by one of the bosses for something which I've overlooked and my workers just messed it up. Taking responsibility by just nodding and the truth is I am unsure how to actually discipline my workers. I am firm, yet quite soft inside. I am not a dictator.

Went back home, breathe in, breathe out, take a short break and fried my own home-made meat ball spaghetti. The meal is accompanied with a glass of hot chocolate. Need some more air though, but too tired to go out and besides its already too late. It's so quiet and voices are still echoing in my head.

Looked into the mirror and saw me, a flawed imperfect person, who doesn't like to pass own judgement, dictate or rule his own workers for own sake. I simply like to guide, show and express patiently. Should I change? To be a fierce tiger, roar out loud and threaten to devour?
Figure 1: Hidden tiger.
Still looking at the mirror, I smiled and said, No, that is absolutely not me. I'll be strong and lead with my true actions. I may look weak and not aggressive to others, I may look powerless despite my position, but I believe if I hold on to my principle, everything will work out well if not perfect.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Can't express..

Woke up today and it felt so unusually great that I couldn't comprehend this sudden feeling. Took my phone and read the great news from my sister, she manage to get awesome results from the recent examination. This boosted my spirit for today.

As a first child, I wasn't such a great studious student and I always prefer games to studying. This resulted in me being a very bad student in a very bad studying environment and education system. I don't blame the system though as it shapes me into a person who goes against the flow. 

I have two extraordinarily smart sisters, and a similar yet opposite personality brother who is also a gamer but well controlled by my parents. My sisters went well with the country's educational system and conquered it. My sister after me is currently studying at the country's apex university.

Figure: My sister.
My second sister however is very similar to me, we're music oriented, she plays the piano while I play the guitar. Our skin color is the same, yellowish and slightly dark. I am easily distracted by small matters and so is she. She excels in logic and physics, which I also am, that makes me an engineer and she aspires to be a future chemical engineer.

I am proud of her and she makes my family very happy and proud. It will be a week plus before I'll be able to return back home. Now for the congratulatory gift, I wonder what should I get her. God is indeed great, I give all thanks to God for giving me such a wonderful family.

Monday, March 19, 2012

What I eat..

I used to be an avid picky meat eater. Normally eating lots of carbohydrate and large amount of meat. Be it chicken, beef or other form of edible meat. I don't eat pork or exotic meat. Fried and grilled is my preferred choice, this and that huge amount of meat consumption.

Eating is great, I honestly say that I live to eat during those times when I was so engrossed with delicious food. Fast food also fascinates me, I can eat a whole Brooklyn burger in about 30 minutes. One or two packs of fried french fries isn't enough for me. That was 2 years ago, before I went for a medical check up.

When I finally did a med check up for my job, I found that my cholesterol level skyrocketed, my busy schedule made me lazy to exercise and this is when I reach a realization that I am unfit and unhealthy. The situation got worse when I realized that all this unhealthy food fest investment only made me fit to die earlier.

Suddenly I have the urge to change, starting by denying soft drinks and also fast food. I realized that the money I earned will be worthless if I am unhealthy, all my collectibles will just be a waste if I can't even wear it due to my sickness.

After waking up from a wonderful food fest dream, I came back to the road of reality, all those deliciously tempting food will obviously bring me to doom. If I don't change now, I am slowly digging my grave, step by step walking closer to my grave. 
Figure 1: Vegetables for health.
Like the rabbit I'll get back to the basic food which Adam & Eve took, I won't live close to a century but at least I won't be suffering living my life. 

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Uncomfortable inside

I went out today feeling so light and comfortable wearing my Nike SBs kicks. Went out to town and eat at a Japanese restaurant with excellent Korean music playing with my good friend.  Felt so casual and free when I forget all about my profession just for a day. 

"This feeling lasted until a call from an unknown number came up, my mistake to pick up."

I am an open minded person when it comes to being close mutual friends. I enjoy having company as long as we get along with each other's attitude and have something in common. When confronted with people I never met before, I tend to be silent and prefer to observe.

I'll ensure that our personalities clicked before I open up to even answer. If there's one bit of attitude problem from the other party, I am very quick to avoid any close contact and communication. If requested, I tend to always give the wrong number, be it reversed or mixed up all along.

Personally, I don't feel comfortable with you knowing about me, and I don't like the fact that you would like to ask me questions that only my family or close ones have the right to know. I refuse to tell you this as I am not a harsh person, I'll just spill my insides here.

I prefer a wise introduction, get to know me personally, instead of eavesdropping or asking someone else about me. This is one serious attitude and technique problem which seriously pisses me off. I especially don't like the way you looked at me as you talked.

Dear girl, I wonder how you've gotten my number and even my social network address. If you would like to be my friend, please do so in the correct manner, now that I've gotten the wrong impression, the possibility is closer to nil.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Before dark

Figure 1: Before it's dark outside.
Been returning late back home since I've been busy with my project. Whenever I walked out of my office, it was already dark and the streetlights are shining brightly. It pleases me that my project is on schedule but I found out that I seem to have less time for the things that I really like to do.

Today, I decided to leave earlier than expected, as soon as the sky is about to get darker, I save up my work and reminded all my fellow mates to take a break and go back early today. Some did as I recommended and some others decide to stay and continue their unfinished work.

I realized that today, no matter how hardworking we are, how workaholic, we should take time to take off early from work and do the things we enjoy. I'll just ponder around my collectibles for a bit and tomorrow I'll take a pair out for a spin. Most probably will be wearing those Nike SBs.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Who's to blame..

Figure 1: Chilling out.
Yesterday, a problem due to human error occurred, and everyone's pointing fingers, I was so busy with my project orientation and implementation but due the problem I have to stall it. People, manpower, adults are very hard to handle, once they start to point fingers and raise their voice, it is very challenging to stop them. 

As  a very quiet person, I usually tolerate this well, but this time it simply escalated. I got extremely irritated that I say a few words which immediately made the office substantially. It is proven then people start to blame and pointing fingers, their failure to think rationally gets so annoying and tends to go overboard.

I don't mind slapping a few words and just leave my business at hand in office to rectify the problem. I was hoping they will get to their senses, stop pointing fingers and work it out together. 

"Words are just words, while actions speaks true" ... "No action talk only" ... As I left the office, some rationalized followers went with me and together we identified the problem, though it is not yet rectified at least the problem is solvable. 

That evening went to the beach, sit on my car's bonnet and watched as the sun slowly sets into the horizon. Simply breath-taking and the soft warm breeze just calms my inside.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Photography revisited..

After years of testing different type of imaging devices namely the camera from different brands namely Sony, Canon, Nikon and so on so forth, I have to decide on a system if I am to grow in my newly acquired expensive hobby. 

I am currently using the mirrorless digital single lens reflex camera (dslr) but I decide not to grow in the Sony system due to the fact that the system itself is too expensive and the solid build just isn't there. So I guess, that is a no to the Sony system. 

I've tried Canon various times and I actually liked it's affordable mid range dslr which is solidly built and has very fast frame per second capture. The lens availability and collection for Canon is also abundant and has affordable good lenses.

Still there is something about the controls and ergonomics as well as the inability to set auto iso in Canon which I personally dislike, but I certainly would recommend it to every hobbyist like me. So Canon system is not my choice despite being an excellent one. While there's a saying that the Canon is made by engineers due to it using very sophisticated technology. 

While Nikon, is made by photographers, I as a hobbyist am very happy to hold even the oldest Nikon dslr camera I managed to get my hands on which is the D70, despite its age, it still works, hand operated and feel perfectly like a camera built just for me.

With that said, I'll go for Nikon and build a system from that, not a professional system just one that can make me a very enthusiastic hobbyist. While carefully selecting lenses which be a great investment, so that when I finally can upgrade from DX dslr body to FX dslr body which is full-frame, this way I'll make full use of all my investment.
Figure 1: Kiokie with his Nikon D80.
I wish I've started a long time ago though. This is going to be a very interesting journey. 

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Working lately..

Have been so busy lately, currently review and correcting the proposals of my underlings. Still it isn't appropriate to use that terms so I'll just say, work colleagues. Since I was assigned to handle the whole project, I was supposed to look at it from the bird's view, that's what my boss mentioned. 

With that said, I wonder what does review and correcting my underlings work have to do with looking up from the bird's view. Opps, I guess I used that inappropriate term again. As I was busy reviewing and correcting, I pondered upon the real difference between a boss and a leader.

I guess I've never think about it thoroughly,

To note I've had experience with a terribly bad boss when I was having my internship at a wholly Petronas-owned Fertilizer Plant located at West Malaysia. That boss requested me to draft a whole P&ID diagram and make it fully functional using PLC. Sorry for the instrumentation terms.

To make things short and less technical, I finished it up in about a week only to discover that the boss claimed my work. So it's basically all for nothing, I didn't even get some credit or even a word of "Thanks". That's when I realized that despite studying in the US, one can't be called a decent engineer.

That's when I realized that there is a significant difference in either becoming a boss or a leader. 

"A boss will want to drive his employees aka underlings crazy with his needs, but a leader will coach them."

"A boss depends on his positional power or authority while a leader relies on his own goodwill."

"A boss will want to inspire fear in his underlings, while a leader generates enthusiasm."

"A boss always says "I" while a leader will substitute himself as part of the team and say "We"."

"A boss places blame on any plant breakdown while a leader fixes that breakdown."

"A boss knows how it is done, but a leader shows how it is done."

"A boss will use his underlings, whilst a leader develops people."

"A boss takes credit from his underling's work while a leader gives credit to them."

"A boss commands, while the leader asks."

"A boss says, "Go!!!", while the leader will say "Lets Go"."

Well, I don't want to have a boss like stated above so I'll be a leader. That is why I'm actually helping out my colleagues and guiding them through out the process of the project development, be it electrical, instrumentation and even mechanical wise I'll do my best as the project leader.


Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Trail "O" Lights

Figure 1: Winding greenish light trail.

Trail "O" Lights, Oh Trail "O" Lights,
Guide me through this path of darkness,
Where no one can sees nor speaks,
Winding paths leading to unknowns..

Trail "O" Lights, Oh Trail "O" Lights,
Shine when it is safe and timeless,
For many have lost their saltiness,
Turned pale and tasteless..

Trail "O" Lights, Oh Trail "O" Lights,
When eternal darkness falls,
Unwise ones loses their senses,
Every sign of hope fails,

Figure 2: Winding yellowish light trail.
Just looked out the window of my office when it was already dusk, imagining if suddenly the whole plant suffers a devastating power outage and the local power utility also fails to supply power. Over-imagining the world pitch black without light. Voices offering to guide is everywhere but meaningless as everyone is lost.

Hope seems meaningless if there is no guiding light, even those with burning hearts will slowly fade to dust in the darkness. Faith, in a way, provides a path which really needs perseverance to travel. Just like a Trail "O" Lights.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Life is so meaningless..

Life is so meaningless without love. Not love as in just saying "I love you" nor as love in "first sight". I've already been over those human interpretation of love which are just physical but so hurting in the inside. Without first experiencing this sort of physical love, I would never have known though.

Life is not only learning and acquiring knowledge but also to experience and not making the wrong turn by learning from other people's mistakes. Still, due to my stubbornness I've always been repeating and not learning the easier way. I guess this is the best for me, for I am filled with scars, so life isn't that meaningless.

I recently read a few ways to love, which is based on the Holy Bible and I find it filled with reality instead of infatuation. Ever since I experience spiritual bleeding from the inside, I've searched more for principle in love and feeling is more to second. Seriously, I don't to feel good over some fake love.

I would prefer to then adhere to these few realistic translations of love which can be applied,

- Listen without interrupting    (Proverbs 18)
- Speak without  accusing        (James 1:19)
- Give without sparing             (Proverbs 21:26)
- Pray without ceasing             (Colossians 1:9)
- Answer without arguing        (Proverbs 17:1)
- Share without pretending      (Ephesians 4:15)
- Enjoy without complaint       (Phillipians 2:14)
- Trust without wavering         (Corinthians 13:7)
- Forgive without punishing     (Colossians 3:13)
- Promise without forgetting    (Proverbs 13:12)

If I am to be finding a point or principle, the best is not to find the opinion of humans but of the higher power, even my own solutions and suggestions are not problem free. So I'll lean onto to this heavenly knowledge instead. 

Peace be with you.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Just two days..

I am officially greeting March very late as business and my recent trip has surrounded me with an inability to blog. Still, just those two days are enough to make me filled up with joy, anger and shock. These mixed up feelings made those two days just perfect to boost up my mundane life.

"I am filled with joy when I am with my love ones"

I was having such a great time with my love ones, especially when we went shopping together, made pudding, the process of preparing, spending time together laughing and sometimes talking nonsense. These are the moments which I really wish I could freeze. I got hugged, hugs filled with warmth.

"I am filled with anger whenever one problem stacks with another"

This is a sudden moment when every single thing I hate stacked one onto another in my head. I was so angry and confused that I am afraid that  I will burst out, so to avoid that and vent the pressure out, I  walked 5 kilometers in the rain to calm myself down.

"I was so shocked that someone who I don't know knows more about me"

I didn't even catch your name, but she basically jumped to the topic which makes me super awkward, I can only explain myself yet fail to ask her why does she know so much and wanted to know more, I am literally stunned and this vented a bit to my anger. I am officially being stalked.

Despite my pay raise, which made me quite happy and willing to stay longer in the company, these are the few staggering  moments which happens in just two days.

Just two days, can make a big change in the mundane me.