Sunday, July 31, 2011

I cried deep in my heart..

I never shed a tear, when people whom I know since small, pass away, fade away in my world of existence. It doesn't hurt inside when my surroundings is filled with sadness. I kept quiet and dislike looking into the faces of all those sad and crying. I dislike the aroma and ambient of a funeral.

Until today, I felt like crying in my heart when I saw pictures of my Facebook friend who I have never met before, he lost his wife to cancer recently in the month of May and I only knew about it when I saw a recent picture post. I was truly touched by his late wife's faith in God and brave words "If I should die before the rest of you. When I am gone speak or sing in a Sabbath voice but be the usual selves that I have known. Parting is painful but life goes on, so sing out LOUD to praise LORD. Amen."

Figure 1: Not so clear Facebook comment string.
This made me cry in my heart, for this parting is of true love, the waiting and longing never ends. It reaches out to heaven, we are all made a new, but never forgetting the love of our life. His late wife also wrote "We may not know the exact reason why bad things are happening to us, but we can know the good does come out ~ often many areas of good ~ radiating from one bad event. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for YOU are with me; YOUR rod and YOUR staff, they comfort me ~Psalm 23:4 "

Shown in Figure 1, there is another friend of my Facebook who is struggling in a divorce, which is of course suffering, however, he has no hope in this marriage and is giving up, aren't marriage supposed to be till death do us part. I was a bit taken a back by his hopelessness in his marriage. I wouldn't want my marriage be torn apart by anything besides death.

Love is true, it touches my heart so when I seen how my friend really loves his family and wife, and through Christ that stretches to eternity. In this deep sleep I believe if we hold on to Christ, the suffering of life is over and all that is left is the awaiting of His second coming.

I love you Jesus, thank you for leading the way into my heart..

Saturday, July 30, 2011


Finally, after forgetting those books about literature *the learning never stops though*, I finally can gather myself up and praise God that I'll finally be an engineer serving in the field that I've been absolutely hollow about during the past few years learning about it. I prayed to God, give me challenges which can make me matured in this field which through Thy guidance I have made it.

I'll be in a totally new environment, working with people I have never met before, learning new power applications and refining myself in this field of great importance especially to the people of this area. I am still learning and still blunt in every way possible. I'll make it, through this hurdle, with God beside me all through this journey of life. I'm sure there will be challenges which will break my inner spirit.

I pray this will be an extraordinary experience for me so that I can grow and experience work, I don't know what I'll expect, but through it all, I pray that God will strengthen me. I trust that in every miracle, there is a need for me to serve, share and also portray God's love to my surroundings. This can only be obtained through the word which will be my guide throughout this life.

The journey will be riddled with thorns and roses and possibilities of learning will never  end. I will start low, as low as possible,structuring every little detail that I can procure, piece it one by one and finally rise slowly. I believe God has a grand plan for me, which I have yet to know, only through the power of prayer and faith I can reap it. Still there's nothing greater than wanting to leave this sinful world.

Dear God, make me more selfless each and every day. I'll miss the other part of me, definitely will do my best for her, soon and very soon, with experience and time, I'll be finally be with her. 

Thank you God, I ask too much than I praise or thank you dear God..

God is good, all the time, God is good..

Monday, July 25, 2011

A simple letter..

Dear self-perfectionist,

Your definition will never inspire nor give contribution to others..
It will continue to conspire pride in your deep in-contrite heart..
Dream on, for this wonderful world of sin will never grant you your wish..
Stay on the path of righteousness, you'll probably do better that way..
Seek first the heavenly kingdom which is unseen by this blinded world..
It's never about what you feel, today or tomorrow, its about what you believe in eternally..

From a sin tainted ill-stricken person

Friday, July 15, 2011

Deep inside my heart..

I am a Christian at birth and I've been baptized a Christian ever since. Still deep inside my heart, there's a struggle which has been taking place since I was young. I keep struggling with the true meaning of being a Christian. Is it just following my parents and simply being proud of being one as I have a lot of friends in the church. Why me? Why the need of a religion, when it is so imperfect and run by imperfect people. Why can't I just be with God.

Reality comes back at me saying, "you're here in this world, so stay in this sinful world". So reflecting back to what I said earlier, I'm still a Christian, but I improvised by learning the book of the Christians, simply known as the bible. I can't understand or memorize everything, but I'll just do my best to learn.
Figure 1: His blood.
I can't be a Christian if I don't even know what Christianity is, I don't even care about the history which is depicted by humans. Still this book, the bible, is heaven sent and not written by human minds. This is something to behold, at least there is still something that closely associates God with religion.

Still in my heart, I simply associate God with the bible as there is no other way I can learn better than to sit at Jesus's feet himself. I find this next to impossible to do as He isn't with us in this world now. I'm simply stuck with my own kind. Helpless I feel but I know I'm not the only one.
Figure 2: His humbleness.
The blood of Christ and to know His humility even though He's the son of God is the best excuse perhaps why I'm a stuck Christian until now. Some people may not regard me as one, still I'm His believer, until He comes again for me, I'll just continue to research what I can and praise His goodness and everlasting love.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Naughty kids

It is proven that when I was a kid, I was a very naughty little boy who was always into mischief, I'll jump here and there, break stuff here and there, very chaotic and noise-making kid and create havoc which causes parent to stress out often. I was that little kid before yet I was initially disciplined then turned a new leaf. 
Figure 1: Jonathan, my little cousin.
 Still, my little cousin, Jonathan, reminds me of myself. A really naughty, ear-less, daring little kid who just defies every single order his parents give and of course always wants to have his own way. I was annoyed to at his constant talk and energized movement. He constantly bothers me and this annoys me greatly, not until I realized that I probably was in par with him or even a wee bit more worse.
Figure 2: Strong curiosity and energized.
 You really can't blame a little kid for being energetic and has that oversize curiosity. Jonathan, he constantly asks questions which simply just turns around and he's always seeks strong approval from anyone. If I didn't approve of something which he wants, he'll just turn away and ask his dad, who will just say, ok ok, and he'll glee at me and brag. That is so annoying, and I keep squeezing his cheeks releasing my "geram" towards him. Still he's a really just cute little boy.
Figure 3: "Wanna play with me?".
He'll keep coming at me and ask, come and play with me. Sometimes I was just so tired and ignore him, but he insists by climbing on my back. I will then of course get annoyed and push him only to find him running around my back again. 

A little kid deserves that special memories and experiences which cannot be attained once he reaches that certain age. I believe that even as parents, we shouldn't hinder their joy and laughter even though it signifies some form of naughtiness or annoyance to the watchful eyes of the parents. Once hurt, a child would never be the same.

I miss Jonathan, despite his constant annoyance, and the rest of my little cousins at Papar too, inclusive of the elders of course. Not sure when I'm coming back though, I'm in a different world now. My wings are growing and nothing can stop it from coming out of my back. Burdens. Life. I hope I'll fly to heaven soon. This world is getting hot and hotter.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

New Image

I'm past university, but I'm still with my long hair, my usual hair cut which is still considered long. I was so accustomed to my long hair that I thought it would be presentable for a job interview, and to my dismay, my hair wasn't up to job seeking standard. I have some difficulty to accept that I have to finally trim my mane.

Maybe its a little bit of animal pride there, who want's to see a lion without his mane, his pride, still to get a job, I have to let this go. I maybe trimming my hair away, but I ain't going to lose my jeans or sneakers. Of course during my interview I won't be wearing those jeans or fancy sneakers. 

Still I liked my pretty rebellious looking image, in which people may thought that I'm kind of a "sampah masyarakat" look, with those black tees, faded jeans and bold sneakers. but I don't mind what people say, for deep inside my heart only God knows me and understands. I seek to continue to praise God in my new haircut. I want to contribute and sit on Jesus's feet to learn more about his word.

This world is getting more and more cruel, and people are more concerned about money than salvation. It seems that this world is getting worse as time passes by, still God's word still lives on, giving me the much needed hope for perseverance in life.

Love is getting more and more fake as presented by this world, but love from God is unconditional, and filled with principles instead of our unstable feelings. I want this form of love, not expecting and more of giving instead of receiving. This is what I truly seek in life, despite of my little problem of this new image.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Uni days in Superstars

My university days are over, however reminiscing on the challenges faced, which are among them is attending lectures which is about 80% of it are totally boring and not helping. Studying by myself at my crib helps more as I can relax and take my time in digesting the knowledge. Still, university life is a very interesting part of me getting more matured as well as get to know myself more better.
Figure 1: Adidas Superstar - My daily wear.
It is during the university days that I finally ditched wearing boots as it is quite heavy and attracts more attention. Going to lectures using a boot is a total no-no as boots are really classy and I am not that superstar who aces at all the subjects. I'm just a normal students and I need sneakers as I have sweaty foot, so slippers are a total distraction to me and my surroundings.

Finally, I bought a pair of sneakers at the end of the year 2008, which are a pair of decent Adidas Superstar II. It wasn't a fancy pair, looks rather like white school shoes as it is almost all white except for the golden trefoils accents. However it is so comfy to wear whenever I walk to my lectures and studies at the library. I can stand wearing it the whole day.

I've been hooked to the Adidas Superstars ever since, even though I'm not a superstar, nor a basketball player, but I'm a transformed sneaker collector. My girlfriend doesn't really like the superstar nor does my sister but there's something about this sneaker that has grabbed my attention. These sneakers just simply fits in and never fails me. Beauty and collectibles are indeed in the eye of the beholder.

As for now I'm still wearing these Superstars, I gave the gold trefoil to my cousin as I do not have the leisure of space to bring all my things to Bintulu. Still I've enjoyed wearing them and I do hope he has a good experience wearing it too during his college days. Adidas certainly has given me the best impression on footwear quality which haven't deteriorate since the olden days.
Figure 2: Adidas Superstars - My favorite for any occasion.
I'm hoping for more and more Adidas Superstars coming in to my collectibles as well as other models which I see fit to be worn. I'm also wearing Adidas Superstar to jog and they give the perfect grip as well as comfort for me at every terrain I meet. I'm not pro Adidas and I certainly love other brands, still I haven't seen a pair which can fit perfectly into my imperfect foot. If there is, I'll definitely opt for one..

Sunday, July 10, 2011

A pair of Stan Smiths..

The Adidas Stan Smiths are a great pair of shoes. I have my first pair of Adidas Stan Smith a tad bigger size than my foot and it wasn't great wearing a shoe one size greater than your foot. So, after some time wearing it, I sold it off without much memories of wearing it. Since then, I've only had Adidas Superstars and the latest an Adidas Forum. 

Figure 1: Adidas Stan smith 80s.
Still searching for a well worth pair of next sneakers, the Adidas Stan Smith 80s which are shown above are iconic reproduction shoes of the vintage model. These pair of shoes which are basically made up of premium leather upper is indeed a shoes which is a must have for every sneaker head. These pair of shoes basically match up either shorts, khakis or a pair of cool jeans.

I'll probably get one soon, if it is permitted and if the design is worth for my collectibles. I have to make sure to get  the correct sizing of course. Cheers.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Interesting.. but..

Recently, after my cousin recently obtained a pair of Nike Airforce 1s, I wasn't so impressed, the design was just okay for me. Still, recently I saw a mid version of the Nike Airforce and it attracted my attention. I haven't managed to try a pair yet. Maybe soon, if I'm lucky enough to come across a mid. Leather all over, and it is still a yet to consider liking it and having a pair into my collectibles.

By the way, it seems that I won't be getting one anytime soon as I'll be focusing more on the Adidas part of my collectibles, unless of course there is a change of heart.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Had my latest pair of kicks!!

After some adventures, I left my blog outdated, just got a new pair of Adidas Forum Mid RS "Crafts Pack". Haven't tried it on for walks yet but its going on soon. I find this pair as a very light replacement of my old pair of nu-buck Timberland boots. These pair of shoes sports really thick soles not to mention boot like design. Loving the aesthetics, next is to basically break into it.

Figure 1: Leather trefoil on the tongue.

Figure 2: Nu-buck like leather and tough looking soles.

Figure 3: Comfy leg support and blue mesh innards.

Figure 3: More nu-buck and the trefoil on the soles.

Figure 4: These soles are excellent and boot-like.

Figure 5: Soles of the Adidas Forum Mid RS.
These pair of shoes are indeed a fresh warm welcome of high cuts into my soles collectibles. Its the first Adidas Originals high cut which I've been able to get my hands on to. More to come soon.