Silent rocks

Figure 1: Waves beating against the rocks.

There are times to be with love ones, times to be with friends and around people. However, it is also important for me, to have time to be alone. I need space to think, meditate and at times relieve myself from unnecessary stress. There's time for everything, it is important to spend time wisely.

Figure 2: Smoky horizons.

The places that I prefer is the beach, seasides where not much people are lurking around. These are the few places where it isn't busy and noisy. I would sit on a rock for hours just relaxing my mind. I sometimes whistle a tune or just keep quiet and hear the wind whistling into my ears.

Figure 3: The never-ending waves.

When I am alone, I will pray and ask for forgiveness from God. I am a sinner and a good one at it, but I want to stop sinning. Only through God, can I have the power to overcome myself. These are times of sadness. Sadness lurks around me even as I pray. It will not be for long.

Give thanks

After sometime away from work and nuisance, I manage to get myself together and settle things the way I felt most comfortable. I am sure there is something in the way I treat people that always gets me into this kind of shitty trouble. 

And through it all, I can't find anywhere to fully vent away this troubling thought and stress until finally I went to the backyard, dug a medium sized hole?? and spill it all. As troubling as it seems, "nope", that is absolutely not what I did. I just knelt down and prayed instead.

It was calming when I finally released everything that is troubling me to my Creator. Sometimes I wonder is it only me, or it is true that Almighty actually listens and personally sends a calming spirit into my soul. Without prior knowledge of the higher power, I would be so messed up.

It's strange that these days, I only come to sit on the feet of the Creator during my times of trouble. Once I've passed that stage of sadness, that closeness seem to fade. Still, I can't comprehend my life without the Almighty's touch. 

Thank you God for loving me first.

Aftermath

Its been sometime since I finished my semester, but the stress inside still feels like its happening. It has passed, but I seem to not been able to leave it at that and be at peace. Is the effect of over-stress that horrid. I can't help but to realize that there is always that ability of mine to rewind those moments when everything seems to have no hope, no light and I prayed. I tried so hard to heal myself. I guess that's not my job and I have to rely on a higher power.

I didn't get those results that I wanted or whatever things which I plan to get or collect, didn't work out. I hope to get my collection going as soon as possible. Things have been out of hand before still I never wished that things would get better than this. I am in the process of healing myself, detoxifying myself.

My brain is full of negativity, fear to fail, fear to go on, and fear of being alone, this is my weakness, Deep inside I felt that emptiness but I never strive to acknowledge it. I am in constant fear of my inability to find solutions due to tons of relevant and irrelevant data inside of me. 

Still, I'm holding up, and I like to thank my Creator for allowing me not to break and crack myself during those torturous times. I want to free myself but I can't for only He can do it. And I can only praise and acknowledge that through his unending kindness, I can finally see the light and be glad. 

Anger and Rage

Through anger and rage, we are blinded from all things including the truth and what is most important priority in life, even the biggest elephant in front of our eyes can't be seen, but the smallest fault in others is the most visible to us.. For me, even I don't fully understand the truth, but I can just trust in God with my limited knowledge, and serve others the best that I can, for I believe that love is our priority in this life even though we are full of imperfections and weaknesses.

Figure 1: Fiery anger of a person blinds his sight.

I am a person with a fiery innard, I don't easily accept those who challenge me and am fast to get to my own conclusions. I am a selfish person who doesn't wants anyone to invade my privacy or personal hobbies and stuff. When I am in a bad mood, I will just fire up even my love ones. This is truly me and I have to change.

I need peace, not physical peace or just someone to comfort me, but to find myself, able to freely serve and calm myself, I need this calmness always in my heart and mind, to be able to be wise and just keep quiet during times when my patience is really tested. 

Just wondered.. and kept wondering, life is full of challenges, including my midterm this evening. All the best  and have a great day ahead of you.