Deep inside my heart..

I am a Christian at birth and I've been baptized a Christian ever since. Still deep inside my heart, there's a struggle which has been taking place since I was young. I keep struggling with the true meaning of being a Christian. Is it just following my parents and simply being proud of being one as I have a lot of friends in the church. Why me? Why the need of a religion, when it is so imperfect and run by imperfect people. Why can't I just be with God.

Reality comes back at me saying, "you're here in this world, so stay in this sinful world". So reflecting back to what I said earlier, I'm still a Christian, but I improvised by learning the book of the Christians, simply known as the bible. I can't understand or memorize everything, but I'll just do my best to learn.

Figure 1: His blood.

I can't be a Christian if I don't even know what Christianity is, I don't even care about the history which is depicted by humans. Still this book, the bible, is heaven sent and not written by human minds. This is something to behold, at least there is still something that closely associates God with religion.

Still in my heart, I simply associate God with the bible as there is no other way I can learn better than to sit at Jesus's feet himself. I find this next to impossible to do as He isn't with us in this world now. I'm simply stuck with my own kind. Helpless I feel but I know I'm not the only one.

Figure 2: His humbleness.

The blood of Christ and to know His humility even though He's the son of God is the best excuse perhaps why I'm a stuck Christian until now. Some people may not regard me as one, still I'm His believer, until He comes again for me, I'll just continue to research what I can and praise His goodness and everlasting love.