In Denial

Figure 1: After work thinking.

For the last few years I've been living in denial, not accepting the views of others even though they are people elder and more matured than me. Denying the fact that what they are implying to me as superficial judging and never been in depth with the real person I am. 

The fact that people who are close to me, my family, I have been always considering their thoughts rather than some far away distant relatives or family friends who sometimes regard me as distant, ill disciplined, insultingly rude and an uprightly impudent  person.

Maybe I looked arrogant and rarely smiled, prefer to be solitary and doesn't talk much to people who doesn't share the similar interest with me or with a high level of ego & self made confidence. False impressions as well as expectation will deny me that certain person raising it as well.

I am living & working now in a place far away from those people, making friends with people not native to my own. My wish is to be only close to people who have built me up and actually contributed during my lifetime. I can't deny the fact I am filled with impurities and am imperfect.

It does hurt to be compared & bench-marked,

"It's so hard to be acceptable to everyone, guess I'll just do my best?"

To be expecting so much yet contributed so little,

"Am I being in denial or simply filled with selfishness?" 

Life isn't perfect and smooth flowing, but in my situation,

"Why does it always have to be superficial & fake?"