My inspiration

When I am small, I live in a world filled of dreams and easiness. Life is a game and everything comes so easy as I grew up. I get everything I wanted and never needed to stretch out and do any hard work. Everything is fun and joy.

Figure 1: Lost in a sea of dreams.

I come home from school never concerned about my school work and just play computer games. I was never concerned about my parents and am very ignorant about myself. I grew to be very selfish and self centered person. 

Those traits are still with me, I try my best to improve. When I finished high school with a terrible, parent disappointing result, I finally got knocked hard in the head. I asked myself, what the hell am I doing? What am I going to be in the future?

Figure 2: My dad, am so proud of him.

Due to my ignorance and failure to realize, I was secretly shipped to national service for 3 months, I got knocked hard there and finally reality came to my mind. I realize that I was such a douche-bag full of nothing-ness and wastefull-ness.

I started to look back, and see the person who has raised me since small, my mom and dad. My dad lives a very hard life, but now, he's a successful person and able to raise up my whole family. My mom also came from a difficult family, but she's able to teach us and care for my family.

Figure 3: My mom and dad.

That is my turning point and my inspiration. Even now, they still take care of me and give sound advice to their very ignorant and foolish kid.

Life in an un-perfect world

I believe that life is more than a simple dream which revolves over and over again. Life has so much promises that is often clouded by evil things which happens daily in different parts of the world. This world is tainted with sin, but I believe that God is still in control.

Figure 1: Green mosses, one of my favorite subjects.

Despite the bad news and suffering everywhere, I find no reason to panic and lose hope. I believe that even in a perfect peaceful world, there must be strife and hardships which will make life more challenging and filled with ups and downs.

Figure 2: After sunset at Tindakon Dazang beach.

Still I am so fortunate to be living in a country where the effects of these bad news are still minimal and under control. In other places the challenge seems more intense and tough, but people is still doing their best to life despite the oppression. Life is indeed precious.

Life on an island..

Figure 1: The clock tower, one of the landmarks of this island.

Life seems to be better than when I was working my previous job. Back to my old job, I wasn't even able to always mobilize and do things I love to do since work requires me to be there 12hrs and 6 days a week. I am glad I moved jobs and finally able to have a normal 8hr and 5 days job here in this island.

Figure 2: A circle of friends (WAY). 

This island was where I grew up from my childhood till I finished high schools. I left the island in pursuit of further studies and I never thought of returning to this island. I am so fortunate to be able to return to the place where I started. 

Figure 3: A mix of old school and new design.

The weather on this island is very unpredictable, sometimes it will be very hot and in just a little while the clouds may cover the skies. It may rain on one part of the island and another part may be dry. The weather is very queer. 

Figure 4: One of the road signs, Language road.

However sunsets here in this island are very beautiful if the weather permits. I am addicted to capturing those rays of lights. For the occasional sunrise, I would wake up as early as 5am to prepare and head on the East side of the island. For sunsets I'll move to West side at around 5.30pm.

Figure 5: A view of the sea from a boat.

Life is better here in this island and I am quite happy despite being alone in a big house. Love the place,time and freedom as well as the able to do landscape photography. Life isn't so noisy as in the cities, nor do they have much entertainment, but for me, a slightly slow and non-rush life is just perfect.

Hazed Horizon

Due to the haze, I haven't been getting nice sunrise and sunset photos lately. This is due to the fact, the island I am on now is attacked by haze from the peninsular winds. There has been heavy burning at Sumatra, Indonesia which causes heavy amount of poisonous haze to attack my country.

Figure 1: The sea shore.

So as an alternative to the unattractive scene, I decide to take long exposure photos and convert them to black and white. The smoothness of the sea in long exposure is mated with the sandy beach is quite a good contrast. I wish I had a big stopper though, so that I can really make the sea smoother and cloudier.

Figure 2: Still experimenting with B&W.

The haze has also been affecting my health and the people around me, I was lucky that I am not around the Peninsular areas of my country which are heavily affected by the haze. Some say that the haze is something caused by property owners who are saving cost of cleaning up large areas of land. Some say it is intentional.

Figure 3: Sandy transition into the sea.

The haze really make the visibility bad and a lot of accidents have happen since that. I need to be really careful too as not to be involve in an accident. Now the amount of haze is lessening and it rains now and then, so I hope for a better weather soon enough.

Figure 4: Smooth-en out sea in B&W.

Weekend

I was down with the sickness these few days, it started on Thursday, guess the air and ever changing weather has something to do with it. I first caught sore-throat, which I remedied with warm drinks and lots of water. I even made myself some lime drink, which was very sour to my taste due to no sugar.

Figure 1: Broccoli, my favorite vegetable. 

On Friday, my sore-throat miraculously cured and I was over-joyed when my tongue started to feel food again, however during the afternoon, suddenly my nose starts to itch and I can't stop sneezing till my nose got red. Even my vision felt so fuzzy and I couldn't concentrate doing my work.

The severity of the sickness escalated on Saturday, I rested more than 8 hours, if I don't I know the running nose wouldn't stop and I will be suffering more. So I forced myself to rest and when I woke up, I find myself feeling slightly better, with fever and heavy headed.

Figure 2: From the left, activated charcoal, table salt and olive oil.

Sunday morning, I still felt groggy. The night before, I drank a glass of  water mixed with a spoon of activated charcoal, which I believe will cleanse my body. I rested half of the day, and on the evening I eventually felt better and am ready for the new week of work. 

Through out the whole ordeal I didn't want to show any weaknesses and continued to do my work. I felt that I need to be strong despite the sickness inside of me or if any strong challenges I face. I know I will prevail with prayer and trust in God.

Life is so eventful, but a life spent together is the best

I've been busy going here and there, busy with work commitments and all but of all the best experience I've been are weddings. These moments in life, preferably only once in a lifetime is a very precious and shared moment between two individuals, man and woman to be as one.

Figure 1: My cousin's wedding.

When I got back to homeland, at first I am in for only three weddings in which I am willing to capture the moment for them, however this rose up to another additional seven weddings which I am not expecting to capture. Still I accepted the offer and proceed.

Figure 3: Someone I really respect got married.

A beautifully captured wedding is a moment sealed in a picture which lasts forever. So, for me, I would want perfect wedding photographs which portrays the joy, happiness and celebration of the wedding itself. This is a very important event for two different individuals and their respective families.

Figure 3: Met when they were doing God's work.

When one gets married, you are ready to spend your life with that other person and walk through the path of life together as one. Men cannot live without their female counterparts, the same goes for the opposite. No matter the age or where you are, if you're destined by God to be together, then get married!!

God bless these newly wedded couples..

Amen!!

It has been sometime that I've left this blog, luckily I found it back and I would want to dust the cover out to continue.

Figure 1: Reflections of Black & White.

This feeling, which I have kept isolated in myself burst out today. I can't stand it anymore, I felt so hurt and alone. Always tried my best to be positive and cope with the stress given to my heart. 

Inside, forced change is making me into someone different. Not knowing the side-effects of changing myself with force, I am thrown into a deep confusion. I was never accepted and always criticized for  my weakness.

Sometimes I don't know what I did wrong, all that I asked for is a little bit of myself. To be longed, to be cared for and wanted for the person I am. Still, that is not the case, I kept hurting and hurting without ever the chance to be alone.

I am dying, deep inside. Trying my best to hold myself together despite the storm raging in my heart. I am so depressed and insecure. I wish I have a remedy for this. I wanted to cry my heart out, but the tears failed to flow for my heart has grown cold as ice.