March '14: When you say nothing at all

Figure 1: Light trail.

Emotions is an important part of a human being, without the ability to express your emotions, it is tough to communicate with people well. Emotions make a relationship interesting but it also can have a negative effect if it is adversely translated. One of the hardest thing to achieve is this type of intelligence.

Emotional intelligence can turn a down-side situation upside. A person who has a high amount of emotional intelligence is able to identify the type of emotions before one expresses it. Not only that, but able to assess it and control it. Not only self-control but also the ability to control other's.

Just a little raving, about building up my own ability to control my own emotions when things get so stressed up. I really enjoy expressing but sometimes, I just don't feel like it, especially during a stressful meeting, I make such a long face. I hope to learn and improve on this.

Neverending Tomorrow

As I used to be someone with a heart filled with never-ending winter, it seems that my tomorrows are filled with neverending sorrows. Lost loved ones here and there and lost my way through the rushes of darkness. I fell down and indulged in never-ending darkness.

In total darkness I tried to find my way and seek the light, I failed again and again, slipping away my final grip of sanity. It is so hard to focus, when your mind is filled with darkness. Never-ending darkness keeps on growing and growing.

Deep in my heart, a dark shroud has enveloped. Creating a distant gap between reality and fantasy. My tomorrows are getting dimmer and the light seems to fade. Hope is so dim now and whenever I strive to reach for the light. It keeps getting farther and farther.

Cold cold heart..

Speak as you might,
Those words may never seems right,
Thinking for the best,
Still haven't tried your hardest..

As you walk through this night,
Shining past me as if silent,
The wisp of pain is slight,
Showering me with fright..

Seeing through your heart,
Never knowing what is right,
Seems like you truly crave it,
The never ending winter blight..

A tear drops from the light,
Spills onto your cold heart,
Warm tear melts a part,
Slowly disappearing into the dark..

"The heart is hidden from most eyes, it can deceive without knowing yet also show the truest colors of life"

Another life

In this life full of different paths, we have to decide what is the best outcome for ourselves and also what's best for others. Recently a good friend of mine has come to a very tough cross-road decision and this certain decision effects her future and also her own relationship with another person.

She asked me for advice and after listening to her and some reasoning, instead of giving her an absolute advice, I asked her a few questions to ponder before making that big decision. The questions I gave her are in a way are linked to both her main decisions.

In my list of trivial questions, I don't require an answer but need her to think thoroughly as in it is consists of her own fundamental principle of life, which is important and other small details which will have an impact of her future. As a good friend and listener, I can only offer such assistance.

I am glad that, she went with her passion and heart, for this is what will truly make someone happy despite criticism and negative views of her other friends. I believe that one should never be judge despite her decisions as the one person that is going through it is her.

All the best in life watashi no yoki yujin.

Random Thursday

 

Original music by the Korean singer Taeyang which I don't understand. My cousin keeps on raving about this Korean singer and his music. And while surfing the net, found an English cover sang by Kevin Lien which is great, enjoyed the catchy beat with lyrics which makes sense.

Remember to always express your feelings, thoughts once that chance is gone there's a 99.9% possibility that it wouldn't happen anymore. This doesn't only applies to relationship but also other chances which concerns the heart. This song express the person's regret for just waiting and not taking action.

"My heart was never yours in the first place, why bother me now and asking for the impossible from my elders, my heart can never accept you."

Sometimes we often dismiss these matters as unimportant to be released from inside. It may cause discomfort to self and the other party. However keeping it will result in hurt that will last longer than a lifetime. Such a simple act can cause such distress.

"My heart is uneasy, not ready but the odds are against me, it is not through my own will, but no matter what, my heart will never submit to other's will, this was never my wish in the first place."

I don't have much way to vent out this unneeded stress. I don't drink anymore, I don't smoke nor do I do crack so I'll just blog it out.

Numb inside

Figure 1: Sunset silhouette. 

The breeze is warm and the sky is cloudy, unable to watch the sunset but enjoyed the calming beating of the waves against the stones. Walked together but not so close.

The silhouette shown in Figure 1, shows two person who seems close but not too close. There is distance between them, but not too far yet they spend time together, chatting while the sun slowly dies down the horizon. 

For now this is the sort of relationship and no more, There are reasons for this and do not need to be understood clearly why. Whenever asked, will just kept silent and wisp away further.

Felt cold, deep inside and there will always be a never-ending winter inside my heart.

"She's now a resident engineer back at homeland, wonder how she's doing, She has her friends and have mine own, the distance is numbing and thawing my heart further"

Life is so meaningless..

Life is so meaningless without love. Not love as in just saying "I love you" nor as love in "first sight". I've already been over those human interpretation of love which are just physical but so hurting in the inside. Without first experiencing this sort of physical love, I would never have known though.

Life is not only learning and acquiring knowledge but also to experience and not making the wrong turn by learning from other people's mistakes. Still, due to my stubbornness I've always been repeating and not learning the easier way. I guess this is the best for me, for I am filled with scars, so life isn't that meaningless.

I recently read a few ways to love, which is based on the Holy Bible and I find it filled with reality instead of infatuation. Ever since I experience spiritual bleeding from the inside, I've searched more for principle in love and feeling is more to second. Seriously, I don't to feel good over some fake love.

I would prefer to then adhere to these few realistic translations of love which can be applied,

- Listen without interrupting    (Proverbs 18)

- Speak without  accusing        (James 1:19)

- Give without sparing             (Proverbs 21:26)

- Pray without ceasing             (Colossians 1:9)

- Answer without arguing        (Proverbs 17:1)

- Share without pretending      (Ephesians 4:15)

- Enjoy without complaint       (Phillipians 2:14)

- Trust without wavering         (Corinthians 13:7)

- Forgive without punishing     (Colossians 3:13)

- Promise without forgetting    (Proverbs 13:12)

If I am to be finding a point or principle, the best is not to find the opinion of humans but of the higher power, even my own solutions and suggestions are not problem free. So I'll lean onto to this heavenly knowledge instead. 

Peace be with you.

Anger management

Figure 1: Small packing problem, big impact.

Well, today didn't worked out so well...

It seems that problems come here and there, a long-long time ago I used to be  very fiery and filled with raging anger. Wouldn't write much about what I've already written before but today, I really managed to be a pretty good manager of myself, especially my feelings and self-conduct during times when people just can't cease to shout out loudly (SOL).

With the stress of sudden emergency and the need to rush important procedures, people, especially those who are elderly, tend to release their stress by shouting, giving orders with loud panic-inciting, fast-unclear orders which I preferably feel the urge to shake the senses out of those people.

My section is a very vital section in my place of work, and every now and then whenever there is certain problems especially serious emergency situations, where other sections are involved, my section is to act fast and rectify the problem and this is where the tension arises.

So, with my jovial and carefree mood of the day, I was rushed by one of those veteran uppers, rushed and brushed with panicky shouting. I was quite immune, maybe this is due to the fact that I have experienced almost every kind of scolding and also done too much raging when I was young that I was quite calm.

What I used to fist and curse last time, now I just take it in and dissolve it into nothingness. Some of my peers are quite amazed at my ability to handle that and due to that, as every situation turns out well as I handled it without any serious problems, they call me Mr.Lucky guy.

That seriously made me smiled despite all the tensions around me.

Keep Missing..

Feel so sullen and cold during this time of winter. Wish time would pass so much faster when I am alone and time would pass so slow when I'm with meaningful people, so that the moment would last almost forever. But this is not the world I can simply control, I can only only capture those moments and appreciate.

This song makes me feel damn, damn, damn, little bit sad especially when I'm alone without people who meant to me surrounding me. Even though my faith precedes me not to be so, I'm still feeling the strain of being alone despite the new experience, the warmth suddenly fading. Maybe I should apply for leave soon.